Stephan Miller

10 Jul, 2008

I Wanna Be a Ass Hat SEO, Please

Posted by: User ImageStephan Miller In: SEO

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Yesterday, I ran into a post over at The NetFool than ran down a few Black Hat SEO Techniques. Black Hat techniques always get me thinking. Using the term "Black Hat", automatically assumes the existence of White, Gray and theoretically "No Hat" techniques.

No Hat SEO

Techniques listed under this category are about the only ones that won’t have someone calling you a spammer, black hat, or anything of the sort. It is involves using an "if you build it, they will come" technique. Sending one email to your sister about your new site would automatically eject you from this group. Play around a little and you can make specific posts come up first in your site’s own search engine. Give yourself a damn cookie.

The Upside: You are the nicest, unspammiest person on the internet. Congrats, you succeeded in pissing off no one.
The Downside: You are your only visitor to your site. But if you use proxy, you can trick yourself. But that would be black hat.

White Hat SEO

Techniques under this category involve a lot of manual typing in forms and changing the structure and content of your site. You may type the same information into each form, but as long as you are using your fingers instead of software, you are alright with most people. If you start ranking higher for another company for their product’s name, you will be called a black hat. If you can type real fast, Google will assume you are a black hat and put you in the sandbox for being aggressive.

The Upside: You are a god to the no hat’s. It’s like being the only kid on the block with a moped. Don’t fool yourself.
The Downside: You are instantly suspicious to anyone who is not an SEO.

Gray Hat SEO

Now we’re talking. Now this is where you start getting traffic and making money. And this is the best place to be. After all, black is the absence of all light. One step toward white makes you gray. There are a lot of techniques milling around in here.

The Upside: You are way past the damn labels. You don’t care about being "god" any more. In fact, with the results going into your pocket book, you would rather turn the volume down on your accomplishments a bit.
The Downside: You don’t get to scare pimpled teenagers in forums with your ominous dark fedora.

Black Hat SEO

Continuing with the definition that black is the absence of all light, you have succeeded in setting everyone’s homepage to your website, all search engine queries redirect to a page on your site, and you can retire in exactly 5 minutes.

The Upside: You are now the most sought after person on the net because you made it that way.
The Downside: Your site just crashed and everyone is getting a little spinning icon, so you can forget the retiring part.

Ass Hat SEO

You hang out at conferences. You know all the techniques. You use them to trounce newbies in forums. But you are little more than a no hat. Results. You don’t need no stinking results.

The Upside: If you can trick yourself into believing your own facade, you can boost your ego a bit.
The Downside: Look at the name, for god sakes. Your the only one who doesn’t know you’ve been labeled.

What is simply comes down to is this: if your site ranks for anything, you or your readers have used SEO with or without knowing it. Stop your bitching. Stop your labels. Just get off your ass and do what everyone else has done to build a well trafficked site. Work, move forward, do what needs to be done and let the whining babies whine. They will always find something new to cry about.

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27 Responses to "I Wanna Be a Ass Hat SEO, Please"

1 | The Net Fool

July 10th, 2008 at 7:52 am

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Haha, “ass hat seo,” I love it… what a concept! This is a hilarious post, you got me chuckling on “continuing with the definition that black is the absence of all light” :)

Thanks for the mention on the top of the fold, I really enjoyed reading this one and hope you keep checking back with me as I will with you (just subscribed).

2 | Stephan Miller

July 10th, 2008 at 8:18 am

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Thanks man. I can pull these posts off every once and a while. They are my favorites. I’ve been subscribed to your blog for a while. I was going to originally just extend your post with more black hat techniques and then my fingers sort of got away from me.

3 | BaNjo sMytH

July 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am

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haha

Very amusing

“The Downside: You are your only visitor to your site. But if you use proxy, you can trick yourself”.

Its funny because its true :)

BaNjo sMytH

4 | Stephan Miller

July 10th, 2008 at 11:49 am

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The funniest things are.

Had to add this in, found it today. Lots of tools to make your hat a tiny bit blacker. Enjoy!

http://www.digeratimarketing.co.uk/2008/06/12/blackhat-seo-tools-scripts-the-digerati-blackbox/

5 | whataboutblog

July 10th, 2008 at 1:03 pm

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LOL. The post title is awesome.

Now I have to go send that email to my sister…

whataboutblog’s last blog post..Twitter - Stupid or Not?

6 | Stephan Miller

July 10th, 2008 at 1:33 pm

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Hopefully she forwards it to a bunch of people. :)

7 | Turnip

July 11th, 2008 at 2:39 am

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I guess I’ve gone from white, to grey, to white, and then back to grey again. Hope I’m not an asshat though! I’ve gotten a few warning emails from google and an ad campaign suspended until changes were fixed. I also sported a nice pagerank of 1 for the longest time. I never said I did smart grey hat marketing.

Great Post!

Turnip’s last blog post..New Method To Increase Adsense Payouts

8 | Stephan Miller

July 13th, 2008 at 5:13 pm

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That has been about the same route I have taken with SEO. I did have a site banned by Google once and never took that far since. But I would say I am still gray hat that investigates black for concepts.
Thanks!

9 | Back From The Dead with Links & Announcements | The Net Fool

July 14th, 2008 at 1:32 am

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[...] Stephan Miller - I Wanna Be an Ass Hat SEO, Please [...]

10 | Andy

July 14th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

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Hey this post was really helpful, Stephan. See, I hate hearing about those self-righteous non-marketing people (ahem, those who do not make ANY passive income online), label techniques I consider doing as white hat or black hat when they have no clue what they are talking about!

Now I feel much better and more justified in going “gray”, lol. The bottom truth line is - we are ALL gray, whether we know it or not! ;)
Andy’s last blog post..One Way Links Will Help Your Site Rank High - If You Get Enough of Them

11 | Germz

July 14th, 2008 at 9:01 pm

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Nice post!
Love the new term lol.

Germz’s last blog post..Tips to get more backlinks

12 | Sell Porn Make Money

July 15th, 2008 at 6:57 am

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Ha, an instant classic. Found you through the Net Fool, but I will come by again. I will stick with any kind of hat I can, as long as it makes me some money.

13 | Stephan Miller

July 15th, 2008 at 8:40 am

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@andy

I get tired of it also, so I just took their argument to the extreme. These A-list bloggers running around telling people to work their ass off to make a buck with stumbles, etc, when just a little SEO goes a long way. Don’t get me wrong, social marketing works to, for a week or so. I have also made more sales from search engine hits, then my subscribers. A much wider audience. If I rank for a keyword, then everyone looking for that specific thing will land on one of my sites. Not everyone is subscribed to my blog or even has a SU or Digg account.

@Germz

I actually thought of it a while back and went to get the domain, but someone had it. So I guess I wasn’t the first. Sucks!

14 | Stephan Miller

July 15th, 2008 at 9:15 am

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@Porn

Thanks. For the most part, I can’t wear a hat anyway. I have an abnormal sized head and the one-size-fits-all doesn’t. I have to special order any hats , so when I went bald, I just just got a razor and went with it.

15 | [Vote 4 Me] Blog Vibrations

July 15th, 2008 at 10:37 pm

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I Wanna Be a Ass Hat SEO, Please…

Want to learn about Black Hat SEO? Want a laugh? Stephan Miller has it all!…

16 | Southampton Letting Agent

July 16th, 2008 at 3:52 am

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Nice post, very ammusing lol!!! had me laughing for a while!!

17 | Stephan Miller

July 16th, 2008 at 11:31 am

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Man, if only I could do this all the time. LOL

18 | MarketingDeviant

July 19th, 2008 at 9:32 am

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Who invented the white/black hat term… I’m really interested

MarketingDeviant’s last blog post..Listening to Others

19 | Stephan Miller

July 20th, 2008 at 2:51 pm

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It goes all the way back to Spy vs. Spy, Westerns, and probably places before that.

20 | pligg.com

July 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 am

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I Wanna Be a Ass Hat SEO…

Yesterday, I ran into a post over at The NetFool than ran down a few Black Hat SEO Techniques. Black Hat techniques always get me thinking. Using the term “Black Hat”, automatically assumes the existence of White, Gray and theoretically “No Hat” te…

21 | Bobby Revell

July 22nd, 2008 at 1:45 pm

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Hey Stephan, I am a dirty hat seo - the one who only knows enough to get his hat a little dirty and garner a few stains :mrgreen:

I think it’s a good idea to learn about black hat seo and maybe even try it out on some niche sites (that you bought with an untraceable pre-paid credit card under a different name). A well done black hat site will appear to be normal and their spam comments look great, even though they are automated. Then again, I never actually wear a hat.

22 | Stephan Miller

July 22nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm

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Me neither, but dealing with a blog lately, I am sure I can come up with a pretty smart automated commenter, if I wanted to, :D

23 | Michelle Gartner

July 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am

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I m technically stupid- I just run our web dev company and do the accounting. But I am going to use this term on my husband liberally-
because he hardly blogs and he can get on the front page of digg. I blog my butt off and I am lucky to get a few regular readers…

I’ll just look at him next time he gets a lot of traffic or something and say “I bet you used Ass Hat Seo- huh?”

“Or I am not familiar with that traffic building strategy would that be Ass Hat Seo?”

24 | Stephan Miller

July 24th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

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I am at times too. :D

25 | Busby SEO

August 26th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

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Ass hat sounds like some of the posters at seo chat Funny
I like it

26 | Savings account

September 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 am

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Say that again “Ass Hat SEO” - That’s exactly what most of the so called SEO’er you find in SEO forums are. But to be honest who isn’t at times. I guess it’s all a mix of all worlds.
Great write up!

27 | Stephan Miller

September 23rd, 2008 at 11:14 am

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I have been to. Had a Google banned site for a while. Insert head into ass.

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